RECONCILIATION

A series of essays....

THE PATH TOWARDS RECONCILIATION INCLUDES DESIRE,
UNDERSTANDING, KINDNESS, AND LOTS, AND LOTS OF LOVE....!!!

        Picture was taken in Garranard, Correens, Ireland, October 4, 2018


....as seen through my eyes!

By: Jacqueline E. Hughes

Reconciliation...

is the belief that two physical entities, both tangible, independent creatures who share a presence on this earth, are essential, visible, real to one another as they cast their shadows upon the same hollowed ground of their ancestors, may appease one another by reaching a harmonizing balance between their differences, setting their pride aside and reestablishing cordial relations between one another. Time will be of the essence during negotiations as time itself has a habit of slipping through the cracks of relationships like the very air that we breathe, invisible, silent, and fleeting if it is not constantly marked, attended to, and nurtured by both parties involved. If time is allowed a lengthy progression between estrangement or placation, the pain and loss that clings within the pit of the gut, the heart, the soul, only grows deeper, stronger, thicker and is allowed to fester and spread like a growing cancer that has metastasized until, eventually, all hope is relinquished and the physical pain of the loss is worn like a wreath of thorns until our last breath is taken.

Knowing or recalling what word, circumstance, or deed served as the wedge that initially split the foundation of common interest or comprehension between two souls can mark the beginning of reconciliation and allow the negativity to be pondered, analyzed, and dissected by both parties in order to make sense out of it or be able to reach some semblance of common ground within the relationship. Knowledge is the key to opening up the locked doors that may impede progress or prevent discussions. Without knowing what has pulled a relationship apart, how is one party equipped to tackle the necessary measures needed to encourage their full participation in this monumental gesture towards reconciliation? And, unless both sides participate in the act of overcoming the distrust or animosity towards one another in a civil attempt to try to regain goodwill via pleasant and mature behavior, any period of conciliation gained may only be a brief respite from a long term solution and negativity will soon resume.

If a person is unwilling to open his heart to the possibility of forgiving another, any hope of reconciliation is taken away. If communication between them is not worked on or made possible, hope diminishes....for what is progress but a coordinated series of open-mindedness with the ability to politely listen to the viewpoints of another person as you would expect them to do for you in order to reestablish friendship and harmony. Having one’s feelings hurt is a common emotion shared by all humans at one time or another. It is up to each of us to be able to determine how we go about understanding or coping with all levels of emotional pain. Choosing to deny its existence and climbing into a self-imposed vacuum of protection without the desire to communicate with those you feel have wronged you will only elongate and complicate any sense of well-being you may wish to obtain and exasperate the anger and confusion levels of others whom you love and may be closely involved with both parties: a spouse, a daughter, a father, or a close and dear friend. Talk, communicate, share the reason for your hurt feelings and be willing to reconcile your differences with kindness, understanding, and compromise. Never turn a blind eye to any and all possibilities if long term reconciliation is your ultimate goal. 

My wish for all this Christmas Season who feel the pain of loss, misunderstanding, hurt feelings, lack of communication with those we love, and the solid burden of feeling unhappy, misunderstood, or lost within our everyday life would be this: May you, eventually, reach a place in your life where, if nothing else, you can believe that hope will prevail. Having faith in the concept of positive change will prove to be more powerful and far more superior than opposing forces. Make the best of each moment we have together without hate or fear standing in the way. Set-up an appointment with yourself and make the time to reconcile your differences with the goal of compromise and love in mind. Sadly, life is too short. Time is fleeting. Allow joy to fill your heart once again! 

With all my love to everyone at Christmas and throughout the year! Let’s all work together to make 2019 the very best it can be....for everyone!

Copyright © 2018 by Jacqueline E. Hughes

All rights reserved

COUNTING MY BLESSINGS....!

A series of essays....

WHILE TAKING AN EARLY MORNING WALK AROUND
THE NEIGHBORHOOD IN QUIN, IRELAND, WE SPOTTED
A BIT OF THE HOLIDAYS IN SOMEONE'S FRONT YARD.

....as seen through my eyes!





By: Jacqueline E. Hughes

Irving Berlin, initially, did not intend for his song, “Count Your Blessings (Instead Of Sheep),” to become part of a classic December holiday song. However, each year we remember it in the 1954 movie, White Christmas, as two of the main characters played by Bing Crosby and Rosemary Clooney sing it to one another in order to advance their relationship and remind themselves to remember how much they are blessed instead of brooding about short-term problems.

During the holidays of my youth, I can remember, literally, bouncing off the walls in anticipation of Santa’s visit on Christmas Eve. Once, adrenaline pumped and playing my own hairdresser, I feverishly created short, jagged bangs where no bangs existed before, only after having given two of my favorite dolls a similar coiffure for the holidays! My hair grew back out. Sadly, theirs did not.

The song originally came about based on a personal experience of Berlin’s when his doctor suggested he try counting his blessings as a way to deal with his stress induced insomnia. My sweet Mother absolutely adored this movie and in a loving attempt at settling us kids down in the nights before Santa’s arrival, she would sit on the side of each of our beds and sing us to sleep via Irving Berlin’s lyrics. Maybe we didn’t quite fall asleep, but it certainly took the edge off of our childhood expectations and eyes were closed with the possibility of sleep soon to follow.

Having raised two rambunctious little ones of my own, especially around Christmastime, I was never surprised by their boisterous activities with the sound of laughter and footsteps echoing from their upstairs rooms and swirling down through the large, oak staircase before reaching my ears. For the most part, they were happy sounds, good sounds, without anyone crying or screaming. I instinctively knew the different sounds of my girls playing and precisely when parental intervention was in order as ‘good’ transformed into ‘Lord, I better get up there!’ 

So, this particular sound caught me by surprise just a few days before Christmas. It was the sound....of silence. 

“I should have known better,” is a phrase best forgotten once all is returned to a semblance of normalcy. Sitting at our claw-foot dining room table while addressing envelopes for the handwritten Christmas cards to be sent out the following day, it suddenly dawned on me that the joyous sounds of children at play had ceased. All was quiet as if a huge index finger held up to gigantic lips had totally encompassed our home on State Street. As this sudden realization roiled over me like a turbulent mixture of bubbles and foam, I heard a quiet shift of sound emanating from the kitchen right behind me.

Slowly turning around in my chair, the sight that greeted me was one that only a parent could fully appreciate. Standing side-by-side, my two angels, torn between fear and pride, faced the future with their heads up and hands down by their sides. Flashbacks struck my soul with tiny bolts of lightening piercing my heart and I knew immediately that I had one of two choices to make. I could cry like a needy baby or I could allow my gut instinct to take over and double over in my seat with tears of laughter knowing that karma was a real and, occasionally, alarming thing!

My eight-year-old, long, blond hair falling down over her eyes striking a youthful Veronica Lake pose, was attempting to hide something she held in her right hand. My youngest, having lived four-and-a-half years alongside our ‘Miss Lake
lookalike' and always having held her own, stood as still as a Roman statue while piercing me with her large, blue eyes, waiting for my approval.  

The ingenuity of my oldest lives with me, especially at Christmas, as I envision the light from the chandelier bouncing off of the scissors she held in her small hands. Without a wisp of her own hair challenged by this cutting tool, she said, “Do you like her hair, Mom? She sat really still for me while I gave her a new Christmas look. Is it okay, Mom? Why are you crying?”

Well, I must have sat there for at least one, solid minute while counting my blessings, tears in my eyes, and staring at the short, jagged bangs where no bangs existed before on our youngest daughter. It was as though I was transported back into time, sharing my own cunning imagination with the world without a thought of possible consequences. Unsuccessfully holding back tears of wonder.....feeling relieved and thankful, I sat thinking to myself, it will grow back and no eyes were put out or skin marred in the process!

I realized way back then that our blessings come in many shapes, forms, and sizes. Counting them each night instead of sheep in order to rest softly upon our pillows, dream encouraging dreams, and see a brighter day in the morning, isn’t such a bad idea at all. 

This holiday season I will stop indulging in self-pity or complaining and be grateful for all of the good people and things in my life, live each day to the fullest, and try not to become too unhappy about the bad things...they will pass. Learning to fully appreciate each breath we take and smiling until our facial muscles stop hurting and our smile becomes a permanent facial fixture, will only encourage others to follow suit.

So, my appreciation goes out to Irving Berlin’s quick thinking doctor and the fact that Berlin saw and captured the advantages of counting his blessings and was insightful enough to share them with us via his timeless and meaningful song.

Count Your Blessings (Instead Of Sheep)

Irving Berlin

When I'm worried and I can't sleep

I count my blessings instead of sheep

And I fall asleep counting my blessings

When my bankroll is getting small

I think of when I had none at all

And I fall asleep counting my blessings

I think about a nursery and I picture curly heads

And one by one I count them as they slumber in their beds

So if you're worried and you can't sleep

Count your blessings instead of sheep

And you'll fall asleep counting your blessings

Courtesy: GENIUS

Copyright © 2018 by Jacqueline E. Hughes

All rights reserved