A series of essays....
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| CUT-OUTS IN A CHILD’S GAME OF MAGNETIC PAPER DOLLS |
....as seen through my eyes!
By: Jacqueline E Hughes
Looking out at, virtually, identical scenery each day is playing tricks with my mind. Indeed, the tall trees that separate our property from the golf course have sprouted green headdresses that dance in the breeze while their toes are being tickled by the spring flowers in shades of yellow, white, purple, and pink. But, within the ‘time lapse’ of isolation, it plays out like dressing-up my stationary outside world with cut-outs as in a child’s game of magnetic paper dolls.
Communication with the outside world plays out in a similar manner. With the snow finally taking a bow and exiting stage left, neighborhood joggers, dog walkers, and kids have stripped themselves of winter related paraphernalia preferring lightweight jackets, pure white running shoes, and short sleeved tops and shorts. The world is baring itself of the heaviness of the colder months and rejoicing in the warmth and vibrancy of a late spring.
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| OUR NEW KITCHEN ADDITION: A ROOM WITH A VIEW |
Also, under the guise of communication, we tune-in to our devices (tablets, iPads, Smartphones) even before our eyes are accustomed to the bathroom light. Bam!...the entire world is at our fingertips. And, by the time we make it into the kitchen to brew our morning coffee, we already know what Uncle John has been working on in his wood shop, who is celebrating their birthday that day, and what’s on the calendar for the week. Actually, I haven’t had to fill in the days of my calendar for quite..some..time! Oops! There goes another cut-out piece up on the old magnetic board.
I try desperately to keep some form of regimen alive and thriving by getting out of bed around the same time each morning, brushing my teeth, combing my unusually long hair, all before snuggling in for a morning of writing down my thoughts and ideas. I have been so proud of being a morning person, when all thoughts are fresh, new, and exciting to record. The world weighs heavy on me by the afternoon when thinking becomes sluggish, almost tedious to the point of distraction.
Sadly, I am losing it. I feel it in my bones. Quoting a friend, Matthew, who has summed up my deepest feelings quite succinctly when he wrote, ”... I’m not thinking suicidal thoughts. I’m frustrated, exhausted. I am over, so over the person who occupies the White House in D.C. I’m ready, willing, and able to hit the streets in support of a general strike; a revolution; whatever.” I feel it, too, brother. We all do.
Lately, my mornings have become less and less productive and the fine line between my A.M. mindset is blurring with my P.M. mindset often to the point of complete frustration. I have to chuckle about it, though, because I am constantly reminded of the 1993 teenage cult movie, Dazed and Confused, with its smoke-filled marijuana scenes and misunderstood hormonal highs and lows. Isolation is clouding my mind and turning me into a stranger in a strange land.
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If someone is dazed, they are confused and most definitely unable to think clearly. It may be due to shock, a blow to the head, or by just being exhausted and drained of one’s mental resources due to highly unusual and abnormal circumstances. If I could, I would grab myself by the shoulders and give myself a hardy shake every now and then in an attempt to escape these isolation blues and be productive once again.
Everything is telling me that this shocked, stunned, and confusing state of mind is disrupting the daily lives of many of us. Family and friends have claimed similar feelings while going about their quarantined routines even though we know we are doing it for all of the right reasons, trying to hang tough, and looking ahead to the future instead of remaining in the past.
I have sat and tried to figure out where raw, personal power comes from; at what depths inside my heart and soul I must dig down to before coming up for my next breath of air. Two words always come to mind as they are expressed in my poem entitled, Deep Within.
Deep Within
Each day
I listen for the sound
Of calmness,
Words of wisdom,
Voice of reason.
And all I want to do
Is feel safe and secure
again, not wallow in self pity
Or avoid the insect’s bite.
I appreciate that
Its sting makes me feel alive
Reminding me of
The power I possess within
And how I must never
Underestimate my strengths
Even when the world
Stops being kind and I
Am made to solicit
The reassuring beat
Of my own heart.
We all possess the power we need and gather it from deep inside of us. We don’t always tap into it when and as often as we should. It may take the ‘insect’s bite’ to snap us out of wallowing in self-pity and react to the miscarriages of justice, the misunderstanding of what should be the practice of basic common sense, and thinking that life owes us something instead of contributing to a better life for those around us through kindness, love, and the simple belief in the welfare of all mankind.
The next time I stumble into the kitchen on a dreary, damp morning and peer out at the ancient trees, headpieces made of tender, new leaves, the effulgence of early morning burning off the fogginess and creating the luster of a new day, I will look at the world that surrounds me day after day with hope and personal expectations. I will consider myself the luckiest person in the world and, my inner strength will generously shroud my dazed and confused outlook and enhance my personal productivity throughout this period of self-isolation. Fingers crossed.
Stay healthy and happy. Don’t allow anyone or anything to bring you down. I keep learning something new each day, about myself, as well as about others. Love.
Words of wisdom:
“When times get tough, we don’t give up. We get up.” — Barack Obama
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| PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA |
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Copyright © 2020 by Jacqueline E Hughes
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