A series of essays....
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| ALL GRANDPARENTS PLAY A SIGNIFICANT ROLE IN THE LIVES OF CHILDREN ~ FAMILY DYNAMICS SHOULD NOT POSE A THREAT TO THIS BOND |
Courtesy of Getty Images
....as seen through my eyes!
By: Jacqueline E Hughes
Fuhgeddaboudit!!!, offers up iconic New York/New Jersey, Italian Mafia slang. Often heard in The Sopranos and famously spelled out by Johnny Depp in the 1997 crime drama Donnie Brasco, Fuhgeddaboudit is defined in the Oxford English Dictionary (Yes, Fuhgeddaboudit” snags a spot in the Oxford English Dictionary!) as: In representations of regional speech, especially associated with New York and New Jersey, ‘forget about it’ is used to indicate that a suggested scenario is unlikely or undesirable. But, as Johnny Depp’s character in the movie explained, “Sometimes it just means to forget about it.” Plain. Simple.
When it comes to missing out on an opportunity to right a wrong, enhance our monetary holdings, or travel to and greet a new destination...is forgetting about it really enough? And, if we try to second guess our original motives for saying no or automatically dismiss an opportunity by not recognizing its potential within our life, that golden chance was not ours for the taking this particular time around. We must and do learn from our mistakes, even though, as humans, we tend to repeat them over and over again!
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| DON'T WORRY IF THAT TRIP TO PARIS SLIPPED THROUGH YOUR FINGERS THIS TIME AROUND |
It seems we have determined any given New Year’s Day to be our ‘new chance’ gauge; a few moments into the first day of a 365-day time frame when resolutions of change, for better or worse, are meant to be exercised and adhered to for as long as possible. Or, “I’ll begin my diet on Monday,” becomes a preferred mantra, knowing that we have, at least, 52 Mondays in the year to generously cling to.
When missed opportunities become so personal, so gut wrenching, and absolutely beyond one’s control...our lives can be changed forever! When everything we deem as normal, complete, and loving is taken away from us due to another’s pride, lack of compromise, and unwillingness to communicate, it becomes exceedingly difficult to make any form of change happen. And, in many cases, this stubbornness always hurts the innocent among us...in most cases it is the young children who suffer because the adults in the room are caught-up in the slippery realm of power and dominance.
We see examples of missed opportunities towards making difficult circumstances better when looking over the course of many custody cases where, unfortunately, good people deliberately batter and bruise the emotions of their ex-spouse by pitting the children against them. Using the children as pawns, some bitter parents attempt to legally withhold visitation rights from their ex-spouse. This is commonly referred to as parental alienation syndrome or PAS.
There are numerous cases of grandparents being denied the right to see or be with their own grandchildren. It is a fact that families can become estranged for many reasons, including basic conflicts and misunderstandings. In many cases, research shows that the adult child, for whatever reason, decides that having such control over their own parents is more satisfying than the act of loving one another itself. The term grandparent alienation syndrome or GAS has been adopted to describe the result of this estrangement. The most prominent group using the term GAS is Alienated Grandparents Anonymous, or AGA, based in Florida but has outreach operations in many states, and who conclude that blocking grandparents’ access to grandchildren is the result of one or more persons actively working to turn a grandchild against a grandparent.
"Grandparent rights, in reality, are about a child's right to maintain an ongoing relationship with loving grandparents with whom they have formed an attachment. Grandparents play a significant role in the lives of children, it is a unique and separate relationship, therefore family dynamics should not pose a threat to the bond that has developed," points out author, Susan Hoffman. She has written the book, Grand Wishes: Advocating to Preserve the Grandparent-Grandchild Bond.
Denying innocent children the right to grow-up knowing their own parent or grandparent is a major missed opportunity. The children can be denied the right to learn about their personal heritage, family traditions, and being able to judge for themselves how comfortable they feel around a parent or grandparent. Especially in the case of an estranged grandparent, missing out on all of the time and love an older generation family member has to offer them is time lost forever. No matter how many other grandparents (or lovingly adopted grandparents) they have, a personal relationship with their parent’s parents is something any child should never have to miss out on...for any reason.
To just ‘fuhgeddaboudit’ will never be an option for missed opportunities for most of us. Life is too short and precious to allow the mind and heart to, simply, forget about it. ‘Golden Chances’ can slip through our fingers on a daily basis. We alone must determine what importance they may or may not have had in our life. If it is determined that their loss creates a life-changing impact, we must strive to either permanently throw them away to protect our ego or attempt to recapture these opportunities in order to better our life in the future.
Even if that trip to Paris slipped through your fingers this time around, it would be even more consciously imprudent to ignore another opportunity to right a grievous wrong when given another chance to do so. As human beings, it’s nice to know that we always have a second chance (often a third or fourth, if we’re lucky) to make things better, make things right, for everyone!
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| BEAUTY ~ LOVE ~ HARMONY |
Copyright © 2020 by Jacqueline E Hughes
All rights reserved
