A series of essays.....
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| JAZZ HEART....FOREVER! FEEL THE BEAT AND SWAY IN THE MOMENT. ALLOW THE RHYTHM TO PENETRATE THE SOUL AS YOU BEGIN YOUR JOURNEY OF LOVE... |
.....as seen through my eyes!
By: Jacqueline E. Hughes
I’m beginning to see what I’ve been missing in my life for a very long time. I am learning, day by day. I’m starting to understand a little bit more about why I am going through this miserable period of unsettling and emotional heartache. Enlightenment has been a long time coming for me but, I’ve gradually opened my eyes, my heart, and my soul to so many new, intriguing possibilities. With a spring in my step, I am learning the importance of moving on.
We spend much of our time asking a myriad of questions about the meaning of life only to receive in return a few thought provoking answers which we must decipher, try to comprehend, and, hopefully, hold dear enough to trust in.
Throughout a year of deep soul searching, one small, uncomplicated word kept floating around and through me while whispering softly, “You’ve known me before when you first fell deeply in love. I was there in your heart when you held each of your daughters for the very first time. I never, truly, left you at all. You were the one who placed me on a dark shelf to gather dust. In order to move on, gently tuck me back where I belong and rediscover how your heart is willing to accept the ‘Joy’ that everyone deserves!”
Throughout a year of deep soul searching, one small, uncomplicated word kept floating around and through me while whispering softly, “You’ve known me before when you first fell deeply in love. I was there in your heart when you held each of your daughters for the very first time. I never, truly, left you at all. You were the one who placed me on a dark shelf to gather dust. In order to move on, gently tuck me back where I belong and rediscover how your heart is willing to accept the ‘Joy’ that everyone deserves!”
When and why did I forsake the Joy that once filled my heart? Could it have been when I lost my best friend, my beautiful Mother when she was only sixty-two years old? And I, her child, lost and vulnerable, a young mother myself only in my mid-thirties....?
Rediscovering Joy, even for the second or third time around, we instantly learn that having it in our lives again can make us wiser, healthier, stronger, and more loving human beings. It can make us feel happy and even ageless all at the same time. Pure Joy never abandons us; we have an uncanny knack of setting it aside when things get tough only to lose it within the deep shadows for long periods, failing to hear its gentle whispers in our ear.
Understanding our personal connection with everyone else in this world is imperative. Agreeing that our calling, as fellow world travelers, is to help relieve the pain and sadness of every woman, man, and child and replace it with Joy is not as daunting as you might think. We all possess the means; the key is learning how to apply it.
The ‘key’ can be as simple as sharing random acts of kindness with others every day!
Kindness towards others...along with the acceptance of all human beings into our lives, is imperative when it comes to seeking Joy, the golden light that shines within each and every one of us. For me, the truest meaning of this life is to find the light within myself, once again, and let it shine for others to see. Given patience and time it will become a strong beacon, a singular tower topped by a system of powerful lamps and lenses, shining brightly enough to be able to guide others towards their own internal light.
Personally, I had been experiencing undeniable heartache for over a year. It was based on confusion, lack of understanding and communication, and the misconception that my personal energy should flow in one direction only...outwards. What I’m beginning to understand is that life’s energy should be flowing in both directions; circulating throughout my being and offering me the strength and understanding that I require in order to become complete and whole.
If you are unhappy, you must learn to change something in your life. Iyanla Vanzant, life coach, says it best, "If you are remembering all the ways you have been hurt or forgotten, let it go!"
I’ve been allowing the unforgiving feelings of those near and dear to me to take over the person I am; the person I was meant to be. My personal Joy had been siphoned off, chipped away at bit by bit, little by little, until my own shame and humility began to lower the bar of my personal self worth. The unconditional love I have for so many people, those I would do anything for, was being taken for granted, misinterpreted. I began to resemble a cartoon character metamorphosing into swirling pieces of dust particles and falling, one by one, through the cracks of the wooden floorboards. That’s when I knew that change was in order.
I know the absolute love I feel in my heart will never be depleted because my love is too strong and I will not allow that to happen. The intensity and depth of my emotions will never change.
Many people are weary of hearing the old adage, “Everything happens for a reason,” however, I firmly believe that it does. And, while it’s happening to you, you may be so tied-up within your accompanying circumstances that you don’t have time to recognize what’s going on at all. I was coherent enough to realize that I’d been stewing in my own turbulent, emotional juices for a very, very long time.
With the kindness and helpful understanding of a dear friend (a Sister-of-Life), a colorful butterfly has emerged from her cocoon and her eyes can see what the heart failed to imagine for these many long, sad years. My Wise Sister has helped me to see how harboring such complicated emotions deep inside has taken a toll on my physical well being in the form of lethargy, instantaneous tears, and doubting myself at every turn. One cannot continue to live this way and expect to find the Joy they are seeking in this lifetime. Meeting my Wise Sister has renewed, not only the faith I must have in myself, but the feeling that our meeting was surely meant to be. The timing of her sage advice was impeccable. May her joyful spirit dance like the brilliance of the eternal flame of light that she continues to shine down upon others. Thank you, M.
While all of the rough edges are being honed and polished and the belief in myself is slowly emerging from this busy construction sight of damaged emotions, everything is beginning to feel fresh and new as this highly emotional renovation project continues on.
The road remains littered with potholes and other surprises, I’m sure. And, there’s never a guarantee that the ones you love will return that love to you, absolutely. However, believing that the best is yet to come keeps my life in perspective. For now, I will own my pain but not dwell in it. (Thank you, Miss Iyanla!) I will continue to believe that women really do have the capacity to make things better because it is in our DNA. We do have the power to kiss a boo-boo away!
As Doctor Christiane Northrop, author of the best-selling novel ‘Goddesses Never Age’ explains, “How you live your life is strictly up to you. Your mind truly does control everything about you and you become what you believe.” If I believe in myself, I know that my inner light will shine through the darkness and will help to brighten and unite the entire world in Kindness and Joy.
I will not allow our culture or any individual to dictate how I will move through time or react to change because I will always choose to celebrate, even the smallest victories of my individual pilgrimage, in my own way. I must remember that by being healthy, ageless, and filled with happiness and joy, as positive symptoms, they can be as contagious as the kindness we spread to everyone we meet along this Journey of Love!
It's time to stop singing the Blues and begin swaying to the dulcet tones of the cello and enjoy the pleasant harmony of my heart as it beats in a gentle way with the rhythm of life.
It's time to stop singing the Blues and begin swaying to the dulcet tones of the cello and enjoy the pleasant harmony of my heart as it beats in a gentle way with the rhythm of life.
Copyright © 2018 by Jacqueline E. Hughes
All rights reserved
