A STORM WITHIN A STORM

 

A series of essays….

A WORLD JUST BEGINNING TO SEE THE LIGHT

….as seen through my eyes!

By: Jacqueline E Hughes

The words are here. They’ve never gone away. They have been swirling around in brackish water, once a sweetly flowing stream, made saliferous with many tears shed and clouded by weeks of sadness and uncertainty. My tears. My uncertainty.

Self doubt can be the bane of many of us, the bêtes noire or black beast capable of swallowing-up the positive notions that may (or may not) control the creativity and drive within us. Well, the bêtes noire bit down on me—hard—several weeks ago and, like a poison running through my veins, I became weak and disillusioned, toxic to myself and my writing. 

I’m not saying that I am out of my funk just yet. This crazy, lethal weather we’ve been experiencing lately has me running for cover and praying for all of the poor souls who have been forsaken by the fires, flooding, and tornadic winds that cost the lives of loved ones, destroyed homes, and scattered so many tangible memories.

But the storm inside my head has been even more fierce than the wind, lightening flashes, and inevitable thunder that follows on any given stormy day; often filled with doom and gloom. The self doubt had seeped into my very being (my soul) and, like a nasty tornado, twisted my confidence as though it were a tree that happened to be in its path of destruction. 

Even writing about my experience now, while opening-up to all of you, is making me nervous. Making me anxious. I may not be ‘out of the woods’ yet, but I know the words are swirling around in my head and I am able to see them as clearly as my inner being will allow while putting them together to create full sentences compiled (honestly) of truth and understanding. I love what I do. To have it blurred or set aside because my inner demons have exploited their appropriate levels of existence, literally, breaks my heart.

I do love what I do—telling my stories in the best way I know how. Opening up in such a way that you, my readers, know it comes from my heart. If I can’t achieve this status, I will withdraw for a time, like I have done these past few weeks. I will collect my thoughts, rehash my raison d’être, refresh my energy in such a way that I feel comfortable sharing them with you. 

Time. Patience. Energy. Love. That’s what it takes to filter the brackish water and return it to a sweetly flowing stream. 

The weather isn’t improving in the least and I sit here typing this under severe thunderstorm warnings for our area. Our dog has retreated into her safe place and we keep waiting for the electricity to wish us a sudden adieu. The AccuWeather map tells the whole story and I insert it here for everyone to see my disappearing state draped in the ominous colors of yellow, orange, and red, indicating powerful storms that appear to be lasting for several more hours. 

THE STATE OF MICHIGAN IS WEARING
A BLANKET OF ENERGY THIS MORNING!

So, I am sending this out shortly while the weather gods haven’t totally abandoned us. I miss all of you and promise that this Blog has me building up more self confidence each day. I do see the light and will continue on my journey without false smiles on my face or cobwebs filling my heart and soul. I have so much to be grateful for. I hope you have not given up on me in the interim because that light I see just keeps getting brighter and brighter with every word I type. 

Wishing all of you Joy and Happiness!

Copyright © 2024 by Jacqueline E Hughes

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