THIS HOUSE SELLING GIG IS WAY TOO INTENSE...!

A series of essays....

A BRIGHT SPOT BETWEEN THE 
EVENING STORMS IN CENTRAL FLORIDA

....as seen through my eyes!

By: Jacqueline E. Hughes

“It’s absolutely true, listening is an art. And sadly, it has become a lost art,” writes Glenna Fulks, Chief Connection Officer & Curator of Memorable Experiences. “I make my living organizing and producing corporate conferences and special events. When a client calls and tells me they want to discuss a new project, I listen. I want to hear every word, pick up on each nuance, and watch their non-verbal body language.”

You may be asking yourself what in the world has the above quote got to do with selling our house? Well, as with many stories that are told, the answer to this question comes in through the ‘backdoor’ (by the means of a secret or indirect method). 

Simple acts can be triggers such as packing the boxes with all of our accumulated ‘stuff’ or, shining the granite counter tops so often you might assert that the stone is visibly becoming thinner by the day. Sometimes it’s a matter of wanting to believe that there are certain ‘someones’ (I apologize) out there who might feel a similar love for your home as you do. You just hope to find them, as soon as possible. These trigger points are meant to feature or pinpoint what we are feeling or going through at any given moment. 

So, this ‘backdoor’ philosophy for my current brain wave was triggered by the same article that was shared by a friend via social media and it tapped into not one, but two points that describe my mindset, perfectly. My subconscious is constantly looking for a creative story to tell. That is one example as to why the mind can influence or affect our behavior without us even being aware of it. And, my research led me to Ms. Fulks’ article, The Art of Active Listening, which featured the photo I present below. 

Credit: Words by Stephen R. Covey/Image: Marc Wathieu

This image brought me back down to reality, made me smile a bit, and tapped into the nitty-gritty of what life has been like for us these past few weeks.

This image captures and represents a mixture of subtle understatement, an abundance of physical labor (represented by the cardboard backdrop), and an attempt to relearn the importance of being patient. We would be the first to tell you that this house selling gig is way too intense and we can hardly wait to be looking back at it via the rear view mirror!

Since writing, doing research, and cleaning-up the house for another showing has been my basic plan du jour, this opinion, based on my own personal philosophy that has been a mantra of mine for years, triggered my thought process and complemented a research project I happen to be currently working on.

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” 

Think about what we are missing out on when we don’t listen to others; when we don’t hear or understand what they say because we are too busy formulating our own reply based on what they might say. I have had a good friend, literally, repeat my words a split second after I speak them, overlapping the conversation and creating what I call an ‘echo conversation.’ Is he afraid he’ll forget what I’ve said, or waiting for his opportunity to jump in? 

Others, subconsciously or not, have ‘one-upped’ my answer to their own question directed at me and proceeded to relate their personal, more adventurous, story even before my last words had been uttered. I know they didn't have time to focus on or even attempt to understand what I just had to say.

Pet peeves? No, it goes much deeper than that, especially when we live in a world today that is so opinionated and emotionally raw. It’s particularly important for us to know that people close to us listen and understand what we have to say. And, quite healthy to believe that conversations among strangers is a matter of listening with an earnest attempt to comprehend what is being said...even if they happen to disagree with it. Common courtesy on both sides can stretch a very, very long way.

The creative meaning behind the image above conjures up the constant use of cardboard products that have become quite prevalent in my life. The sight, feel, and construction of cardboard boxes and corrugated glass divider kits will forever haunt me, I’m afraid. This undiluted image happened to combine my beliefs and my current actions in a personal manner and give me something lighthearted to smile about. What a simple respite from what’s happening outside the front door these days!

So, in traveling from the ‘backdoor philosophy’ and simple triggers stated above around to the sadness (the lost children pulled from their parent’s arms) and evil (the extremists running the government) that lurks just outside the ‘front door,’ I have, conveniently, placed you within my quirky, day-to-day lifestyle. I apologize for this. Life (the mind) is based on an intricate and delicate balance of emotions. We latch on to the things that relieve tension and make us smile for a very good reason. The image above did just that for me.

Distractions have their place, thank goodness. However, I can’t emphasize enough how this house selling gig is way too intense for me! (Did I happen to mention this before?) For now....I promise to try not to stress over things I cannot control and concentrate on ones that I feel I may have a shot of, at least, understanding. I’ll get there, one day....!

I KEEP TRYING....

Copyright © 2018 by Jacqueline E. Hughes

All rights reserved

COFFEEHOUSE CHATTER: FAMILY

 A series of essays....

THERE IS A MACHINE FOR EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE;
YOU JUST HAVE TO OPEN YOUR EYES AND FIND IT.

....as seen through my eyes!

By: Jacqueline E. Hughes

From time to time, our neighborhood friends meet at the corner coffeehouse to relax, sip their favorite brew or concoction, and warm-up their hands and hearts...together!

Some might think of their meeting as a 'cleansing' or 'purification of the soul.' Even though they may share similar backgrounds and values, their ideas and opinions are as diverse and variable as the weather outside of the little shop. 

Let's grab a cup of our own, take a comfortable seat, sit back and listen to what today's chapter of 'Coffeehouse Chatter' has to offer....

Ben and Carl, high school buddies who have, recently, renewed their friendship after over forty years of living, sip their coffee while awaiting the arrival of their mutual friend and neighbor, Jack. Jack’s younger cousin, Tyler, makes a surprise entrance by accompanying his cousin to the corner coffeehouse this morning. This makes for some lively and interesting conversation. Let’s listen in....

BEN: So, Carl, how was your Father’s Day yesterday? Lots of love from your girls?

CARL: Aw, Ben...you know the deal. One daughter tries to be loving and caring and the other, well, I have no rational explanation for what goes on in her head these days!

BEN: Connie still giving you and Jill grief these days? This has been going on way too long, you know!

CARL: Since right around mid-January, soon after Jill and I went up to see our vacant land up north to try and generate some interest in its sale. With retirement this year and trying to sell our home down here, we need that piece of mountainside real estate to sell, ASAP! The money would surely come in handy right about now.

(Long pause....)

CARL: And, before you ask....no, we haven’t seen our precious grandkids since then, either. 

BEN: No Skype or FaceTime? Not even a phone call?

CARL: (Deep sadness spreads across his face) Nope. Didn’t hear from Connie or the kids on Father’s Day yesterday, either. Not a word. She wrote us in February and said she needed time away from us and that we were most of the problem behind her not feeling well lately. So, we are giving her space and hoping she is able to work out whatever’s wrong in her head and in her heart. What the hell, Ben....we live over 2,000 miles away from her and she sees us as her enemy?

BEN: Wow! (Eyes narrowed and forehead deeply expressive with multiple wrinkles)

CARL: We’re giving her as much time as needed. But, after asking her a million times what's wrong and receiving absolutely nothing in return in terms of any form of an answer....it’s been one of the most confusing and frustrating times in our lives. Jill and I can only sit back and wait for a reason and a sliver of light to shine through the darkness. Jill has even asked Connie’s mother-in-law to help us understand. She has never gotten back with us. If it wasn’t so damn heartbreaking and serious for us, I’d say it was almost like playing high school games with teenagers.

(Ben shakes his head in total disbelief and utter confusion. He looks up to see Jack wave at them from the front door as Jack points over at the short line at the counter.)

BEN: Well, Jack just walked in and I’m not sure who that is with him? Do you recognize him, Carl?

CARL: No, can’t say that I do. (Attempts to lift himself up out of the doldrums) Jack doesn’t have a younger brother, does he?

BEN: No, he’s an only child as far as I know. Listen, Carl...I would never dismiss your concerns about Connie and, you know that. Let’s talk about it again later, if it would help make you feel better. You know I can be a listening ear, right? I don’t like seeing you like this, man.

CARL: Sure. Thanks. 

(Jack and his younger companion join Ben and Carl at their corner table...large, steaming, white coffee cups in their hands)

BEN: (Standing) Hey, set those cups down, gentlemen, and have a seat! Well, Jack, introductions, please. 

(Spring sunlight shines in from the corner window and places all four men in its spotlight as they seat themselves at the cozy table)

JACK: I know. I know. I’m late, as usual. My cousin, Tyler, here just flew in from the West Coast last night and we’ve been reliving our younger, less complicated childhood days together this morning. It’s been quite therapeutic, actually.

(Ben and Carl take turns shaking Tyler’s hand and welcome him into the fold)

CARL: Man, you guys could have called off coffee with us this morning. We would have understood. (As Ben shakes his head up and down in unison)

TYLER: Nice meeting you guys! Skip my morning brew? Not a chance. My coffee is my morning courage, my wake-up juice, my main reason for crawling out of bed in the morning!! Well, you get the idea.... (A huge smile spreads across his handsome face) Besides, Jack has often spoken to me about you both and I was looking forward to meeting you guys.

JACK: Tyler has a new job position with Lockheed Martin over in Titusville. Just when we old fogies are wrapping it up on the job scene, this guy is still focusing on our future!

BEN: Tell us more, Tyler.

TYLER: Well, it’s kind of boring but, I began working for Lockheed Martin in Portland quite a few years ago and have been waiting for the right position to come along here at Lockheed Martin Space Systems Company on the coast. Yep, think of me as the Big Geek from Oregon. I’ll understand.

CARL: Interesting. Geeks are important elements of our society today....certainly not boring!

TYLER: With my background in engineering and love of space and uncovering the positive aspects that bode well for the future of mankind....I always knew that my new position would allow me to expand on all of the above. As one of their many slogans goes, “Lockheed Martin builds the technology that gets things done in space.” I always wanted to be a part of that team. Besides, living in Florida isn’t all that bad either!

JACK: That’s little Tyler in a nutshell. (He grins after taking a long sip of his cooling latte)

BEN: Married, Tyler? Any kids?

TYLER: Yep! Been married to the most beautiful and gracious woman for going on twenty years now. Children....well, no. We weren’t blessed with any of our own, unfortunately. With Claire’s job as a graphic artist keeping her busy, we’ve just allowed life to run its course. 

CARL: (He bears a kind yet quizzical look as he stares at Tyler) Brilliant! I have been introduced to my first bona fide rocket scientist after all these years living near the Space Coast of Florida. Are you over here looking for a new house by any chance, Tyler? 

TYLER: That’s certainly on my list of ‘To Do’s’ this trip, Carl. I wish Claire had been able to join me, though. Oh, well....glad she likes my taste, guys!! 

CARL: Maybe you wouldn’t mind a forty-five minute drive to Titusville because our home is available right now and not too far from Jack’s. Being on the east side of Orlando with the Beachline Expressway, the 528, right out our door, the commute wouldn’t be all that bad. 

JACK: I told him about your beautiful house this morning and we drove by it on the way over here. 

TYLER: I will have to check it out, Carl. It’s a nice place and having a pool sounds very inviting. Claire does have a pool on her ‘want list.’ And, living near my favorite cousin...

JACK: (Smiling) Only cousin!

TYLER: ...and his kids would be a huge bonus! Claire would enjoy learning about what the area has to offer with Lauren as her guide, Jack. Theme Parks, maybe. Best shopping malls, definitely! Come to think about it, this job change could be extra costly for me in the long run! 

(The small party of old friends and new finish their coffee and offer best wishes to Tyler for his new job and life experiences while shaking hands. Jack and Tyler say their good-byes and head toward the front door of the little coffeehouse after Tyler assures Carl he'll be giving his realtor a call, soon.)

BEN: (Gently places his hand on Carl’s arm) My friend....let’s get another cuppa joe for ourselves and sit and talk for a while longer. Well, you talk and I promise to listen. You, Jill, and your girls all mean the world to me and I can only imagine what you and Jill are going through right now.

CARL: Your friendship means a lot, Ben. Thanks for being here for me. Guys always want to think of themselves as macho and won’t allow themselves to show their vulnerable side. But, even we can be prone to the misery of Family relationships.

BEN: Serious stuff. (Pushing his open palm out towards his friend) Sit still. This one’s on me. I’ll be back with a steaming hot, jolt of courage in a few minutes and we’ll talk....

Copyright © 2018 by Jacqueline E. Hughes

All rights reserved

WEEP FOR HIM, DON JUAN: EVEN THE FLOWERS SHED THEIR TEARS!

 A series of essays....

ONE OF OUR FIRST DON JUAN ROSES OF THE SEASON
SHEDDING TEARS AFTER A SUDDEN RAINFALL!

....as seen through my eyes!

By: Jacqueline E. Hughes

I admit to being a very selfish person, especially when it comes to people I feel I know and love. I want them around me, helping me feel good about my life as they make me laugh and see myself for who I really am. I like it when people offer a dry sense of humor and are able to make fun of themselves; when they can confidently share their knowledge and expertise on subject(s) of interest that include some of my own passions, and do it with ease and panache. 

Anthony Bourdain could do all of that. Anthony made us feel like we knew him; he drew us in and had us believing we were his close, intimate friends!

Guilt can be one of the primary motivators of our selfishness. Guilt equals sadness and can turn the purest of intentions into a holy nightmare of dark dreams and possessed emotions. I, personally, can relate to this.

Leaving my youngest daughter up at Michigan State University at the beginning of her sophomore year was my personal recipe for guilt, shame, and profound heartache. I recall being beyond myself and would cry for hours while feeling imprisoned in our apartment in Orlando. Good mothers don’t abandon their children, I thought. A good mother wouldn’t leave her daughter up at college so far away and at such a vulnerable, young age. Oh, that guilt thing was eating me up inside! Outside, I didn’t care about my appearance one iota; even if I washed my hair or brushed my teeth that day. It was not a struggle to stay in bed all morning; it was a struggle to get out of bed at all.                    

I was a hot mess.

I recall feeling this deep, dark funk for many weeks. Dan was gone Monday through Friday at job sites in such (exotic?) places as West Virginia and Mississippi. I would drive him to OIA (Orlando International Airport) for his Monday morning flight out and then pick him up from there on Friday afternoons....week after very long week.

In the meantime, I would spend most of my days unpacking the boxes we didn’t have stored in a climate controlled storage unit (including our baby-grand piano) and worrying about the fires that smoldered just to the east of us, between Orlando and the Atlantic coastline. Muck fires, as I call them, are created from marsh gas, swamp gas whose principal component is methane that’s produced naturally within some marshes and swamps. Often, when fed by the Floridian heat, fuel, and oxygen, it will allow for spontaneous combustion and underground fires will smolder for a considerable time.

Looking out through our east-facing windows, alone in an unfamiliar place, imprisoned by stacked moving boxes and a guilty soul, I felt I’d been moved to hell and its intense fire was rapidly approaching!

As I’ve said before....I was a hot mess! Fortunately, I do not recall ever feeling suicidal.

Thinking back, other than the abrupt passing of my Mother at the young age of sixty-two, I had never felt so lonely, sad, and guilt ridden as I did in those early weeks here in Orlando. I missed our youngest child with so much passion that life itself seemed futile with all efforts to remedy the situation proving to be nugatory.

Dan’s distant job sites, eventually, became more local and the threatening muck fires were tamed, only to rage again another day. Corinne and I would e-mail one another as much as possible and talk on the phone whenever we could. Dan and I utilized his frequent flyers miles and made long weekend trips up to East Lansing to spend as much time with her as possible.                                                         

Eventually, I cleaned-up enough to participate in several job interviews and with two fantastic prospects at my disposal, chose a construction themed job over a prominent law office opportunity located in downtown Orlando. I sometimes question the wisdom of my choice but, that decision is far behind me now. The point is....I survived. Corinne survived without me as, deep down, we all knew she would. 

My maternal guilt, like a cloud of smoke, had dissipated for now. But, muck fires are dangerous things and can smolder and burn slowly with smoke and no flame; the mist spreading across the landscapes of our mind with flare-ups unexpected and, potentially, dangerous to ourselves and those around us whom we love.

As more facts appear in dribs and drabs from France, where he died, and from CNN, where he worked his latest gig, Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown, I have to ask one thing, “What in the hell was he thinking?” Or, more precisely, was he able to think (rationally) at all by this point in time?

Strasbourg, France will never quite be the same. It will, however, remain one of my most beloved places on earth. The pure happiness it once contained, however, was squeezed out like a ripe piece of fruit is for juicing. Early last Friday morning, when I first heard the news, I recall a primal scream being emitted and then the hairs, literally, stood up on my arms, and a tingling feeling took over my entire body. I know I wasn’t alone with this particular reaction to his, apparent, suicide near Strasbourg. 

       

What in the hell were you thinking.....? Well, that’s just it, I don’t believe you were able to think at all! The state of depression robs you of rational thinking and exchanges it for a sadness that consumes you. Was it about feeling guilty, not being worthy? Your superego absorbs your thoughts and exchanges you for the stranger you will become to yourself. Anthony, you have left behind so many who love and miss you. I wish we had all been enough for you.....! Rest In Peace, sweet man.

Looking back on those early days of residing here in Orlando continues to grip at my heart. It will forever remain a low point in my life. Training my mind to feel good about myself and worthy of all the goodness life has to offer was the most difficult task for me. I do admit to reverting back to that sad person every now and again but, I try to snap out of it as quickly as possible and carry on with living.

I leave you with a quote from the bestselling Irish author, Cathy Kelly, who captures the feeling of growing older, learning to live with our acquired knowledge, as well as our foibles, while attempting to retain a certain balance in our life:

“What was the point of being old enough to have worked out what life was all about if you couldn’t act on what you knew? Then again, how could you sort out someone else’s life when you were still trying to figure out how to live your own?”

Copyright © 2018 by Jacqueline E. Hughes

All rights reserved

WHY WE STILL BELIEVE IN MIRACLES: KEEPING HOPE ALIVE AND WELL

A series of essays.....

SAINT LEO THE GREAT ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH
IN LITTLE ITALY, BALTIMORE, MARYLAND
 

   Courtesy: saintleorcc.com



.....as seen through my eyes!

By: Jacqueline E. Hughes

Why do we still believe in miracles? Put quite simply, because it’s so important to keep hope alive!

What is considered a miracle, anyway? 

A miracle can be defined as something completely different and personal by each one of us. A miracle could be considered an act as mundane as having a cabbie stop for you in Downtown Manhattan on a rainy day, or finding the perfect buyer for your home within days of listing it. It may be as complicated and pure as knowing that each tiny snowflake is created with its own intricate and individual pattern, or observing the miracle of life while placing your hand on your Mommy's growing tummy and feel your baby brother or sister kicking from within.

Any instance of things that happen beyond our normal threshold of understanding or control, and is a superb example of something wonderful and marvelous, can be entitled miraculous, no matter how large or small the case in point may be. 

CAPTURING TIME IN A BOTTLE

I believe we underestimate the true power of this seven letter word or, at least, its meaning has been diluted as time slips through our fingers and passes by like the sands in an hour glass. The flow of sand visually fascinates us even when we know that the size of the opening, gravity, and the amount of sand itself are three factors that allow each grain that passes from one compartment to another the ability to, literally, capture time in a bottle!

Miracles have been described as extraordinary occurrences that surpass all known human powers or natural forces and are ascribed to a divine (godly) or supernatural cause.

Having grown-up within the doctrine of the Catholic Church and participated in it’s particular theology every day as a child, miracles were always a part of my life in the form of ‘turning water into wine,’ returning sight to a blind man, and attending mass each morning before classes and staring at Jesus hanging on the cross above the altar, blood draining from his hands, his feet and a large, man-inflicted gash beneath his breast bone. The belief that he died for our sins and rose from the dead three days later to sit at the right hand of his Father is of central importance to the Christian faith. For a small, wide-eyed kid....nothing could be more miraculous than this.

RESURRECTION OF CHRIST
BY NOEL COYPEL

                         Courtesy: Wikipedia

From an early age, we learn about, analyze, and want to believe in the prospect of good things happening that are, many times, far beyond our control. It’s just so cool to think that there’s an invisible superpower acting on our behalf! This gives us hope to cling to when our future may look grim. To think that when we least expect it, if we think or pray hard and long enough, something that is much larger than any of us could happen and change our life for the better; just like that!

As an American, a Christian person, and all-around hopeful individual living in a land that has drastically shifted gears from caring about mankind and human rights in general to shifting its attention to only a handful of rich, power hunger, over-privileged, greedy, people...it’s time to believe and hope in the power of miracles. We certainly could use a ‘doosie’ right about now, Mr. Mueller...if you’re listening!

However, we must not place all of our eggs in one basket, and we must be intelligent enough to see and understand the danger of false hope associated with this practice. For miracles (change) to take place, a certain balance must be achieved between the ‘Spirit of Hope’ itself and the hard work and dedication contributed by all of us who believe it is our duty to keep all hope alive and well. 

BALANCING THE SCALES IN TODAY'S WORLD

With Hope as our guideline and hard work the game plan, let us feel encouraged by the fact that so many of us are finding that balance in our lives and continue to make things happen and shake things up. 

From the depths of despair can arise renewed hope just like the Phoenix rising from the ashes with renewed youth to live through another day. Several Sandy Hook family members whose loved ones were killed at Sandy Hook Elementary School on December 14, 2012, have organized the ‘Sandy Hook Promise,’ a national non-profit organization with the intent of honoring all victims of gun violence by providing programs and practises that protect children and prevent the senseless and tragic loss of life.

The powerful miracle here is witnessing the strength and resilience that many survivors of these violent crimes seem to attain in order to move on with life. They create needed change through their organizations, marches, and sit-ins, and offer the rest of us examples of non-violent, productive action after such horrendous circumstances changed them, forever.

From the Sandy Hook parents to the Parkland shooting survivors and their anti-gun violence activism, they continue to make vibrant ripples across the deep waters of change. Sadly, they represent all of the victims of senseless mass shootings that have suffered before, between, and after their own experiences. I remain proud and strong because of all of you... 

Whether you believe in small or large miracles, something wonderful happening in your life, or extraordinary and divine occurrences that may just change your life forever....it’s time to keep all of your possibilities and options open. The important ingredient is that you ‘Believe.’ Keeping ourselves open to anything good these days is an asset to our health and well-being and realizing that those around us are contributing to this cause will boost and enhance our positive feelings of joy and love. 

"FIREFLY LIGHTING UP THE DARK NIGHT"

                             Courtesy: pinterest.com

Hang in there with me, my friends because, whether we realize it or not, miracles happen every day! Like lightening bugs glowing brightly in the backyard in the darkness of night, we need to open our eyes, find them, and be guided by their light.

Copyright © 2018 by Jacqueline E. Hughes

All rights reserved