FRIENDSHIP

A series of essays.....

THE ATLANTIC COASTLINE AT CAPE CANAVERAL 

.....as seen through my eyes!



By: Jacqueline E. Hughes


Within our lifetime, may we all be fortunate enough to experience at least one, true friendship. One other living, breathing soul who is willing to walk down the path of life with us on bright sunny days, as well as those dark and sinister ones where flashes of lightening crackle and ravage a darkening sky! If we are lucky, even intermittent friendships will dot our lives with their bright spots of joy. Because who doesn't feel the need to share our experiences, emotions, the highs and the lows, with a listening ear who will greet us with a gentle hug or the clasp of a warm hand when needed?

Dependence is an acquired condition that conjures up the notion of being vulnerable. We feel uncomfortable believing in the absolute certainty of the trustworthiness of another. True friendship can open up our hearts to securing the belief, confidence, faith, reliance, and trust in another human being. Knowing that someone 'has our back' helps to relieve the anxiety of potential emotional injury.

Only a fool would speculate about the life of a woman. Only a fool....or, another woman. Women earn that right and with good reason: we care deeply. Often too deeply and that's exactly what can get us into trouble. Many women are capable of intuitively understanding the residual feelings of others: The lingering aftermath of a bad relationship, the sometimes hurtful words of a close relative, or aiding someone who is lost in a world they believe is filled with hate or fear and needs help finding their way back into the light. These are a few of the attributes of being a friend. Who knows, someday the tables may be turned and you will require the friendship needed to pull you out of the doldrums and calamities associated with....living!

Fortunately, for me, a friendship that sustained two young women back in the days of cheerleading tryouts, acne remedies, prom dates, and acting 'happy-crazy' on a road trip to Boston and up through Canada one summer between our sophomore and junior year of college, has resurfaced after all this time. I couldn't be more happy or more grateful.

Having Janis back in my life is comparable to recently locating my twin sister years after being adopted separately as toddlers. We enjoyed just enough time together only to be scattered in different directions by time, place, and family. All of the chapters contained within our imagined autobiographies...graciously written with love, husbands, and children in mind, would contain pieces of our heart and soul and serve to form the women we have become today.

I will be the first to admit that I am, usually, on the giving end of the spectrum of friendship in that my shoulder has often been used to cry on. And, it has been dampened by tears of sadness, as well as joy throughout the years. A good friend once nicknamed me her "Rock" for the support and kindness given her throughout a very bad relationship.

Being a good friend often requires being a good listener. Listening carefully to someone in need might just be one of the most magnanimous traits anyone could possess in a lifetime.

However, being a 'Rock' certainly has its downside because rocks never get to cry. A rock foundation is one of permanence and strength supporting the heavy load that rests upon it. A person who is similar to or suggestive of a mass of stone in stability, firmness, or dependability. Well, that's quite a lot to live up to.

With age, wisdom tends to seep through the fine cracks of even the most solid foundations....in the form of tears and the realization that sharing the burdens of life with others can be a luxurious comfort and tremendous consolation over time.

I am learning day by day. While my shoulders begin to sag a bit with each passing year, and the 'rock' begins to gradually shift as the sands of 'wear and time' blow mightily across the Florida beaches I hold so dear, the winds of change continue to intensify.

I have always considered myself fortunate in this life......with many good friends and wonderful people I have met and learned from. I will always attempt to 'give back' for all of the positive friendships I've collected throughout the years. Janis, naturally, being a prime example of my "good life." And, I'm raising a pint in honor of all of you amazing souls I have yet to share a portion of my life with in the future. Here's to good things to come.

In most of the spiritual teachings I've gathered and responded to these past several years, remembering that life is about the experience might be the most profound lesson yet. "Life is not a lesson to be learned but an experience to be had, shared, and appreciated with the ones we love. We, too often, like to remind our children that there will be tough lessons to be learned in life, which can in itself, be a defeating attitude. When we can look at life from growth by experience, it lightens the severity of any situation, and allows for a more free flowing transition through each stage of their growth."  .....Spiritual Wisdom by Spirit Science

Jill Blakeway, author, acupuncturist, and spiritual healer once said, "Real friends don't walk away when life gets tough. They make a pot of tea and pull up a chair." Dear friend, may I have a little honey and lemon with my tea, please?


Copyright © 2016 by Jacqueline E. Hughes
All rights reserved

EMBRACING THE SIMPLICITY OF WISDOM

A series of essays.....

PRESENTS ALL WRAPPED AND READY TO GO

.....as seen through my eyes!



By: Jacqueline E. Hughes

The colorful rolls of paper and spools of gossamer ribbon are back in storage boxes and up on the highest shelves once again. All is wrapped; temptation eliminated. The eyes of the young children will soon focus on the shape and configuration of the presents beneath the tree with a child's imagination of bespoken treasures and youthful desires. The adults will imagine the allusive hopes conjured up so long ago; reestablished wishes now witnessed by the presence of their own children anxiously awaiting their turn to open a beribboned prize.

With age, wisdom pours through us like lifeblood and allows us to distinguish and better understand the bright light at the end of the long passageway......believe me, I know. The 'age' part I know only too well. It's quite simple and, awkwardly, way too obvious at times. Without attending to the gory details, let's just say that the body begins to take on a life separate from the one your mind has contentedly lived with for so many years. The term 'high maintenance' resolves into a very personal interpretation and we contend with these physical changes, on an individual basis, in the best way we can.

Wisdom is defined by the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment. For me, the culmination of wisdom can be summed-up by just one word: Simplicity! What a beautiful word 'simplicity' is. The absence of complications; straightforwardness; clean lines; effortlessness; clarity of expression; lack of pretense.......you decide. You choose. All of the above for me, please!


A few years back I became intrigued by a tradition that I've since learned began in Scotland some time ago. It's called the 'Honesty

LITTLE FREE LIBRARY
Picture Courtesy of Ladyfleur

Box' and is based on the honor system. An honesty box, as defined by Wikipedia, is a method of charging for a service or a product by relying upon each visitor (customer) paying at a box using the honor system. I have personally seen such boxes used in the rural areas of  North Carolina where the low number of customers, along with the low quantity and/or value of the products on offer, means that an attendant would not bring a positive return on investment. Many were domestically run operations where attendance was not feasible such as selling homemade jams or fresh vegetables along the roadside. While taking advantage of this system, I could picture a farm wife in the kitchen stirring a batch of fruity confection while her husband was tilling the soil of their small, mountain field. 

HOMEMADE JAM FOR SALE
HONESTY CHAIR

Let's be honest, this system today would never fly here in Orlando or even in Edinburgh, Scotland. I do take comfort in the fact that some camping sites, small, municipal parking areas, and tiny, hutch-like libraries offering the exchange of one used book for an alternate one, for the delight of all, do exist throughout the world. I've seen them and have taken advantage of them all, at one time or another. In each case, honesty is the connection, a simple act of fairness and respect towards those who have worked so hard to provide others with the simple pleasures this life has to offer.

Downsizing, taking into consideration that having less can give you more in terms of freedom and happiness, is a concept that has been gaining momentum throughout the world. Wisely, we humans are beginning to understand that possessing more and more 'stuff' can be a burden, may cause needless anxiety, and can take the focus away from the core of family life and activities.

COLORFUL TINY HOMES

Tiny living, small homes and apartments, and taking advantage of a simple, uncluttered lifestyle is like having a self-help book unfold before your very eyes! Cable television channels such as HGTV (Home and Garden Television) and FYI Network have illustrated the wisdom of downsizing in programs entitled "Tiny House Hunters," "Tiny House Builders," and "Tiny House Nation," with  catch phrases like, "Living large in small places," and "Tips for living in small spaces." Personally, I think that many New York City residents could have written the book about 'living small' and 'downsizing successfully' years ago! 

The simple truth is, possessing an abundance of 'stuff' in this lifetime may not always equate to being happy and content. Having been empty nesters now for many years, Dan and I have often asked ourselves what it would take to be truly happy in a world that is far from being in a state of peaceful happiness itself. And, with the next phase of our lives labeled 'retirement' looming closer and closer, we've taken into consideration what the term happiness means to us and how to go about achieving it.

Every time we would add-up each column, the sum total would inevitably be.....Family!

MY FIVE SWEET AND ADORABLE FACES ~ FAMILY

Amos Bronson Alcott, an American educator and man of wisdom,
born in 1799 and died in 1888, once stated that, "Our notion of the perfect society embraces the family as its center and ornament, and this paradise is not secure until children appear to animate and complete the picture." In addition to our own children and their spouses, we are fairly certain that the 'ornaments' that animate our family circle are those five, adorable faces that greet us with smiles of joy and love in their hearts each time we see them. Nothing is better than small, outstretched arms waiting to embrace you; small, soft lips puckering in preparation for a kiss. 

With the anticipation of living a more straightforward and less complicated lifestyle as we grow older, Dan and I have purchased our 'Little Yellow Cottage' in Kalamazoo, Michigan, which is conveniently located between daughter number one and daughter number two. Our Hazel Avenue retreat is already providing us with the pleasure of remodeling in order to make it our own, and will, eventually, serve as where we 'hang our hat' for most of the year. If all goes well, the rest of the time will be spent traveling as often as possible and writing in full detail about each journey we take. I am always prepared and excited  to be able to do that!

Built in 1941, Hazel Avenue is a pre-war cottage home that's filled with spunk and charisma. It embodies the simplicity of downsizing with the beauty of original hardwood floors, plaster molding, a wood burning fireplace, and an actual basement below it all! So far, in nearly twenty years of Floridian living, we have never taken for granted or underestimated the importance of having a basement in a home.

HAZEL AVENUE CLOAKED IN SNOW

Even though our little cottage remains a constant 'work in progress,' we have already experienced the joy of having neighbors who actually care about having you live in the neighborhood. We've been invited to block parties, musical functions within the greater Kalamazoo area, and have already been included in the annual Christmas activities this  season. We've been greeted at our front door by smiling faces providing warm introductions while offering 'Welcome Gifts' and any assistance we might need to make our move-in easier. It's almost as though Hazel Avenue has welcomed us back into time, returned us to her own 'glory days' in a slower, happier, more caring time in our nation's history.     

As each month progresses, Dan and I learn more and more about the amazing and talented individuals who live in our new neighborhood. They include college professors, a sculptor, a language professor, several published authors, and right next door, Ginny and Barclay who will, at some point in time, teach my sweet husband how to play the bodhran (Irish drum) he purchased in Ireland years ago.

We anticipate a rather busy, yet fulfilled and exciting life to come surrounded by family and friends, both old and new. Our life may not always be effortless.....after all, anything worth having and doing well requires a certain amount of effort to achieve. But, I do promise to embrace the simplicity of wisdom that has guided me so far along this incredible journey called life and served to protect me from the "Boogie Man," as well as the many rough patches I've encountered along the way. I will always welcome fresh ideas, new faces, and the opinions of others because I will never be too old to learn new things or value the wisdom of others around me.

So, in the spirit of the Christmas Season, 2015, our hearts are open and ready to be filled with, as well as share with everyone, all of the joy, warmth, and copious amounts of love this Holiday has to offer! What a simply wonderful time of the year!

I leave you with the profound words of T. S. Eliot (1888-1965), American-English poet and playwright, that sum up the idea of Family for me this season:

"Moving between the legs of tables and of chairs, rising or falling, grasping at kisses and toys, advancing boldly, sudden to take alarm, retreating to the corner of arm and knee, eager to be reassured, taking pleasure in the fragrant brilliance of the Christmas tree."

Copyright © 2015 by Jacqueline E. Hughes
All rights reserved