HEATHER.....AN ANGEL IN DARK TIMES

 A series of essays.....

~MICHAEL CAVNA TELLS US THAT HEATHER'S FAVORITE COLOR WAS VIOLET~
A SIMPLE NOTE THAT OFFERS A PRIVATE LOOK INTO
THE LIFE OF HEATHER HEYER

.....as seen through my eyes!

By: Jacqueline E. Hughes

I've noticed that each time I connect with my Facebook Timeline and scroll down reading everything I can, an interesting thing happens that I have absolutely no control over. You may have experienced this, as well. 

At first, I am concentrating so diligently on each post that I'm oblivious to it. Then the broiling inner emotions make me feel physically ill and I can feel my facial expressions taking on an unusual life of their own. It takes me a while to even begin to understand what's going on. But, when I do, I can feel my face twisting and contorting, my lips begin to pucker and purse, and my eyes crinkle and squint as my forehead wrinkles like the loose skin of a wrinkly Pug puppy. 

~WRINKLY PUG PUPPY~

This, as I understand it, is not acting; this is reacting. I am responding, frame by frame, to the content and extent of the information that has been presented to me and in such a way that my acknowledgement of this information adopts its own style. My emotions are captured, dare I say, possessed, by the most egregious and flagrant violations of human rights and decency that our country has recently experienced. If you don't count the early morning hours of November, 9, 2016, that is.

Heather Heyer.

As if I were watching an M. Night Shyamalan movie, the Indian American film director known for making movies with contemporary supernatural plots and surprise endings, firmly entrenched within my own set of fear and fascination, I become impervious to my surroundings. My attention is focused on the next move on the screen, a black shadow flickering in the upper left-hand corner, the dark, dense feeling in the pit of my stomach, and (once again) my facial expressions as my brain takes in the multiple nuances chronicled in each scene. A pronounced squint becomes my preferred mask-like face for the next hour and a half.

This is, precisely, my reaction to the posts on Facebook from the past several days! If truth be told, within the past year or more.

How does it begin? Will it ever end or, at least, be contained enough to not be as blatantly and brazenly splashed before our eyes like acidic liquid the deep, crimson color of blood? Hatred...unrestrained by a sense of shame; rudely bold, and justified by many while they tout the uniform (white polo shirts and khaki pants) and carry a burning torch in the day or night. 

HER BEAUTIFUL FACE.....!

Hate is a word we teach our children not to use. Hate is an emotion that, if allowed to control us, has the power to turn us inside out as if our internal organs were exposed and we begin to associate the natural beauty and goodness of our world as a 'punch in the gut.' Hatemongers misinterpret the love of family and friends as reprehensible behavior and disassociate themselves from them with the need for a more tangible cause; one that justifies the sense of power bursting forth like molten lava from deep within their darkening souls.

Heather Heyer.

While under the influence of hate, they seek other haters because hate in large quantities helps to substantiate their cause. While strengthening their beliefs and affording themselves more power and more intense reasons to hate, the haters find safety in numbers; justified by the comfort of an administration that clings to them as life supports within a churning sea of dissolution and destruction of the 'law of the land' as we know it.

Even writing about hate right now has gotten to me and I feel my face contorting into 'facial yoga' expressions that I usually reserve for driving alone in the car, protected by the thought that what happens in the car stays in the car. Silly me. Vestiges of 'The Scream' painted by Edvard Munch begin to dissolve before me as I, too, feel a whiff of melancholy while sitting here thinking about his accompanying poem, "I remained behind - Shivering with Anxiety - and feeling the infinite Scream in Nature." Edvard Munch

'THE SCREAM'
"FEELING THE INFINITE SCREAM IN NATURE"

Her beautiful face, from childhood to maturity, a face that projects being deeply loved by her parents, friends, and coworkers alike, flashes before me so often that it's as though I've watched her grow up before my very eyes! Heather Heyer. Post after post after post recalls a very strong, very opinionated young woman who “made known that she was all about equality," according to Alfred Wilson, her boss at the law firm where she worked. Before she was cut down by hate, she was helping people through bankruptcy and telling them, "It's going to be okay."

Heather Heyer could be my own daughter, my friend, the girl next door. For each of her thirty-two years on this earth, I thank her that many times over and over for holding the goodness in life to a higher standard than the sadness of hatred and strife. For this alone, Heather is a hero. Little did she know that she would be making the ultimate sacrifice for all that she believed in and held so dear to her heart by
giving her own life towards the justification of equality and compassion.

As I type her name again, Heather Heyer, not wishing to forget it...ever, I am becoming more conscious of my emotions. The inevitable tears are welling up, rising to the surface, ready to flow. My facial expressions soften, become more relaxed this time, and my breathing is deeper, more sustained. 

Repeating her name, Heather Heyer, out loud is calming. Her kindness, sweetness, and caring for others is like an invisible salve spreading across the earth; angel wings floating above the weak and the wretched, the loving and kind spirited, alike. I don't know what Heather's voice sounds like and, I, more than likely, never will. But, I do know this for certain...when we close our eyes and feel the love, experience the hope, and hear the voice of comfort, we will know it is Heather's and she is telling us not to worry, it's going to be okay!

REMEMBERING YOU....ALWAYS, HEATHER HEYER!
WITH OUR LOVE, AMERICA!!!

Copyright © 2017 by Jacqueline E. Hughes

All rights reserved