FAMILIARITY

 A series of essays....

COMING HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS OFFERS THE
EXPERIENCE AND FAMILIARITY OF FAMILY AND TRADITIONS 

....as seen through my eyes!

By: Jacqueline E Hughes

Familiarity is a spot where knowing someone, being friendly and sociable with them, means that everything is, actually, better than it was in the beginning of the relationship. Seeing these relationships as being multifaceted prepares us as we explore each aspect of someone’s life and personality and begin to blend a new acquaintance into a more familiar one. As relaxed friendliness blossoms between people, they become more comfortable with one another; a sense of informality and naturalness overcomes the initial feelings of restraint and reserve. Enjoying familiarity with a best friend means that we can say just about anything we want around them and enjoy a relaxed and unstressed relationship.

Upon giving birth, a new mother holds her newborn and examines each strand of hair, freckle, crease of their soft, precious skin, birthmarks, minute finger and toenails, all with the desire of becoming as familiar as possible with her beloved child. Reaching this sense of intimacy allows her to immediately bond with this beautiful and miraculous being she has already nurtured and loved for months. This is the beginning of a long, hopefully sweet, and often highly emotional relationship, based on familiarity and love, that continues to grow stronger with each passing day.

Going back after a period of time to your parents’ home is familiarity based on the recognizability of a long, close association; the quality of customariness and being well known. We, once again, enter the ordinariness of relaxed friendliness and intimacy between people. Our busy lives beg to be complimented by the ease of a close family relationship where familiar customs can determine the general flow of our comfort levels. Going home, especially during the holidays, allows us to scrap all of the rigid controls we’ve placed on ourselves and relax to the tune of family singing in the kitchen and siblings arguing over television programming rights! Norman Rockwell may have memorialized the family homecoming in picture form, but it’s up to all of us to keep family traditions and the joy of being together alive and well. This includes all nontraditional or unconventional family scenarios, as well.

A sense of familiarity hits us while becoming acclimated to certain landscapes, cities, roads, and areas after a period of time. Normally, humans adjust and adapt to their surroundings quickly and the sense of familiarity can be marked by various landmarks recognized along our journey as we navigate down a 'path' a second or third time. Initially, visiting Paris may be daunting, but after several trips there, one acquires a sense of familiarity as they feel more comfortable within the lights, landscape, action, and pulse of this beautiful city.    

Familiarity is the state of knowing something very well. An actor has a familiarity with the stage or set. A painter has a familiarity with brushes and canvas. When there's familiarity with a certain job, we are not stressed because we've done it before. 

Hugging someone displays familiarity and refers to a more casual way of acting towards one another with a certain intimacy that denotes a close friendship. We should strive each day to achieve this sense of naturalness and simplicity within our lives with absence of ceremony and a firm direction towards peace and understanding one another. Familiarity, our informal act of expression, is a liberty we should cherish and preserve forever.  

Copyright © 2019 by Jacqueline E Hughes

All rights reserved

Photo Copyright © 2019 by Jacqueline E Hughes

All rights reserved

AUTHENTICITY

A series of essays.....

 CACTUS GROWING IN THE 'OLD CITY' OF
EYGALIERES, PROVENCE, FRANCE

.....as seen through my eyes!




 Nature is the purest form of God's gift of 'authenticity' that we will, as intelligent human beings, be able to site as a perfect example of what the future holds in store for us. Let's not screw it up!   JEH

By: Jacqueline E. Hughes

Authenticity is the quality of being trustworthy and genuine and something each one of us should strive for every day of our lives. Some of us do. Many of us make an honest attempt at it. And, only a few of us accomplish this goal that is, of course, provided we care about doing so in the first place. It may require some hard work and effort on our part. Our desire to be unburdened by daily conflict and the disagreement over fundamental issues often supersedes the basic qualities of honesty, clarity, and trustworthiness.

VIEW FROM THE ANCIENT HILLTOP
CITY OF EYGALIERES, FRANCE

Relationships suffer greatly when we fail to incorporate personal authenticity into the equation and treat a friend, lover, parent, child, or spouse as if their life is less important than our own. By not being honest and forthright with them about everything we experience and believe in serves to negate our own importance and relinquishes any reliability we may have hoped to create and achieve within the relationship. 

THE PICTURESQUE
ALPILLES HILLS OF FRANCE

It is not unreasonable to set-up personal boundaries in order to temporarily cope with basic negativity, pain, bullying, marital infidelity, or the physical loss of someone we hold so dear to our hearts. In fact, it is only natural that the mind, our search engine for the body and soul, is prepared to report reliable information to us so that our human psyche is less likely to break down completely or implode. 

OLIVE GROVE
GORDES, FRANCE

Stepping back from behind these boundaries, eventually, is mandatory if we are to become the authentic human being we hope to be. With so much noise and indeterminate amounts of facts and non-truths assaulting our personal space every day, stepping back from behind our comfort zone can be a difficult task. We can set our own pace, however, we must not lose sight of how important it is to succeed if we intend to pursue all of the joy that life has to offer. Fear paralyzes our genuine thoughts and places hopes and dreams in jeopardy. Clinging to the imaginary walls we choose to hide behind weakens our ability to showcase the unique purpose of our life that generously flows within all of us. Fear can slowly corrupt the individual power we are born with that strengthens and supports our success in life.

PATH OVERLOOKING A
BULLFIGHTING ARENA NEAR
FOOTHILLS OF THE ALPILLES HILLS
 

Learning to be honest with ourselves is the first step in becoming whole; being truthful is a major priority in being able to handle all that life has to throw at us along this amazing, crazy journey. We must learn to break away from the heavy drama we've placed ourselves in and come to terms with what is important to us: We need to be willing to hear what we too often don't want to hear. We must be prepared to be able to say what we need to say. Most importantly, we must be willing to just let go.....if need be. 

THE LUBERON RANGE
SOUTH OF GORDES, FRANCE

In an age of ingenuous governing, false hopes and promises, and, dare I say it, fake news thrown at us left and right, the unhealthy lack of a positive role model and absolute truth compounds our daily problems and experiences. Making the decisive choice to care about ourselves and others is strictly up to us. We can't always impede the progress of 'crazy' but we can, definitely, sort it out within our own mind, make mature decisions, and inform others about the importance of being true to yourself.

A FRIEND IN THE LUBERON

Possessing the ability to be able to forgive others whom you may believe harmed or upset you is another quality or condition of being authentic and true to yourself. Forgiveness of others with the attempt at understanding that not everyone follows your own personal codes of what is believed to be right and wrong, will help complete us as human beings in so many intricate and beautiful ways. After all, we share the space created for us here on Earth with so many others that it would be virtually impossible to believe we are not different, to a certain degree, from one another. 

VIEW OF MONT VENTOUX FROM
THE NEARBY TOWN OF BEDOIN

When someone apologizes to you for an action that is perceived by you to be hurtful....you must know that they have opened-up their heart and soul to you in a most private and profound manner. They have authenticated their actions through humbleness and truth and become vulnerable souls subject to your response and subsequent actions. Even though you may feel strong and powerful while holding the emotions of others in your hand like the open book they've become, the misuse of this power will only serve to create stronger barriers of discontent and mistrust between you. You must ask yourself if losing the bond of understanding between the two of you is something you can afford to live with the rest of your life!

SAINTES-MARIES-DE-LA-MER
IN THE HEART OF THE CAMARGUE

In the words of Brené Brown, author of 'Daring Greatly,' "Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we're supposed to be and embracing who we are." We must remember that we were born to be honest and real....not perfect. Learning to live with this thought in mind as a personal caveat, may we be authentic enough to be able to acknowledge this in others, as well.

ROLLING VINEYARD LOCATED
BETWEEN CARCASSONNE AND
PIEUSSE, FRANCE

FRUIT OF THE VINE

Copyright © 2017 by Jacqueline E. Hughes

All rights reserved

All Photos Copyright © by Jacqueline E. Hughes

All rights reserved

OUR DRUG OF CHOICE......REDUCED TO SHADOW PEOPLE?

 A series of essays.....





.....as seen through my eyes!

By: Jacqueline E. Hughes


In the not too distant past, we would initially learn more about people from the outside-in, evaluating them by physical appearance, verbal communication and moving on (or not) from there.  Today, we often begin relationships from the inside-out instead.  Is it possible to become close to others yet never having set eyes on them first?  Blame it (or not) on the influence of Social Media.....

The funny part is.....I'm not sure this is always a bad thing.

No matter what anyone says to the contrary, we choose our 'friends' when it comes to Facebook, Twitter, Google+ and so on.....  I am picky and, even though I am in the business of 'selling myself' (Clearly I am referencing here what I write!!), the option of Liking, Adding or Following another human being via social media is our personal choice to make.  And, the handy-dandy 'delete' button is there at our disposal when needed; a built-in fail-safe mechanism.

There will always be those who do not follow a give-and-take procedure when choosing friends on social media and the exception proves the rule in this case.  Being the most popular kid on the block is always a tantalizing goal when it comes to our ego.  I won't even try to deny that.  And, I do put myself out there at times in order to attract readers who might be interested in my writing.  (I have never sold my soul....thought about it a few times, though.  Does this count?) 

I believe that when we click-on to social media we are souls seeking approval, common ground and acceptance of those we call our Friends and Followers.  We want these friends to like and approve the same things we value so much in life.  It helps to make life easier.  Religion, politics, art, family, music, food choices and recipes, dog-lover or cat-lover.....we soak it all up like a sponge and often value their opinions over our own flesh-and-blood acquaintances. 

Why?  I have my own opinions.  See if you agree with some of them as they are introduced throughout my story.



Image source: forum.xcitefun.net

Humans seek-out approval, as I mentioned before.  What better way to believe that we are doing something right as when we see that 'notification circle' shaded in red at the top of the page knowing that someone has, at least, acknowledged your existence and, maybe even, agreed with something you said or 'shared.'  Odds are, naturally, that others might be disagreeing with you and commenting on your post to this effect.  Personally, I welcome this.  Perhaps it's because I was on my high school debate team but, I enjoy sparking opposing opinions as long as they are introduced with intelligence, 'good taste' and all words are spelled correctly!!!  Just saying....

Considering 'like minds' and all of that, even with cyber relationships, our loyalties drift towards those who have similar beliefs to our own. We are looking for sounding-boards for our personal thoughts and ideas.  If others fail to listen to what we have to say at school, home or in the office, our cyber friends just might!  Again, this is not always a bad thing.  Having a 'listening ear' all your own is a positive and often comforting scenario, as long as we understand that all we will receive is just that....a listening ear and, if we're lucky, a 'comment' voicing support and well-being.

That's not to say that solid friendships are never found on social media because I know that they are.  This poem I once read on Facebook is an ode to strong bonds and undeniable support offered by those we meet from all over the world via social media:

"The friends I have never met.

                                 My Friends online.                                    

It's strange to have a friend that you have

Never hugged, shook their hand or 

Looked into their eyes.

But, you have been touched by their soul, 

Seen the good in their hearts and felt the 

Warmth in their being.

The friends I have never met are not my

Friends untouched for I have felt them

With me when I needed them.

I have confided in them and they are

Some of the kindest people I have ever known.

My Friends....  Never forget how special you are to me."

Courtesy of Daveswordsofwisdom.com

I can hear you now....."Many loving and long-lasting relationships began through the Internet."  I mean there's eHarmony, Christian Mingle and Match.com, to name a few.  When did finding a soul-mate and person to love and be loved by become so technical?  Two words: Free Enterprise!  If we can be convinced that we need something badly enough, there will always be somebody out there waiting to sell it to us!  Never forget that money can be powerful and highly manipulative.

By placing our trust in research and spreadsheets, and paying for the privilege, we legitimize their existence and wrap ourselves up in a cozy 'cloak of security' believing that others have more time and resources than we do when it comes to finding our life partner.  We convince ourselves that the organization within these Websites is much safer than hooking-up on the Internet, alone and without a safety net.  Since people will continue to use these sites, I don't see a problem with this line of thinking.

Before this amazing thing entitled the 'Internet,' acquaintances might have become our close friends through time, trial and error as individuals and groups offered testimony to the fact that humans, in general, required interaction with other humans.  Let's say that we were introduced at a party and discovered that we enjoyed similar musical tastes or that we both liked to travel and speak the French language.  This tact is what I refer to as learning about one another from the "outside-in" and allowing our experiences to guide us on into the next phase of the relationship.

In this age of 'instant gratification' and self-imposed lack of time, we scurry from meeting to meeting, room to room, loaded to the gills with our technological devices while creating a cyber world of online dates and friends.  This takes me to the "inside-out" relationships where we are fed information about another person and then asked to meet them face-to-face, and take it from there.  This leaves little to the imagination, similar to a Miley Cyrus music video.  By the time our eyes eventually lock on to one another, we know pretty much everything about them in terms of statistics right down to the reason behind the jagged, little scar running along the left side of their mouth. 

Chemistry.  "Will there be 'chemistry' between us?" you wonder.  The inside has been conquered already and not much has been left to our imagination.

Are we learning to exist in an age of shadow people?  What will  the consequences for future generations be? 

Let's face facts here.  We Love Our Tech Toys!  We have them at our fingertips twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week and sometimes they are the first things we make contact with after crawling out of bed in the morning or the last thing we touch (plugging it in to charge for the next day) at night!  We are so hooked!  Smart Phones, iPads, laptops, Nooks and Kindles.......our drug of choice.  It's all legal, proper and almost expected of us to purchase and use them.  As I said before, power and money can be highly manipulative.

Writing requires much research.  Having answers, pictures and explanations at my touch is a godsend.  I recall setting time aside to visit the library with my handwritten sheet of questions and ideas at the ready.  Having so much information available to me within seconds  while I am still in my pajamas at ten in the morning is a godsend, as well.  And, it makes visiting my local library so much more fun rather than strictly work related. 

I am torn.  On one hand, I am pleased where all of this is going and relish the convenience of 'at the ready' knowledge.  On the other hand, I am disappointed in the breakdown between human relationships.  We spend too little time communicating with each other in order to form these relationships and keep them alive and thriving.  Or, we  confer with our 'devices' seeking life changing opinions and personal advice. 

If I had to write a sentence fifty times on a chalkboard at the front of the classroom as a penance for hasty words spoken, it would read:
"I do love my i-Pad!  I do love my i-Pad!  I do love my i-Pad!....."  And then I would plug-in my password for Facebook and take the consequences!

Indeed, certainly 'one' of my drugs of choice!

 

 

 

 

Travel Is My Drug of Choice......!

 

Copyright © 2015 by Jacqueline E. Hughes
All rights reserved

UNLEASH THE DRAGON

Blog: Life.....

~~~~TIME~~~

.....seen through my eyes!

By: Jacqueline E. Hughes


Is it the excitement or, is my tummy feeling a bit queasy due to the nerves and restlessness I'm experiencing?  I really don't know.....!

I do know that the older you become, time has had the opportunity to wrap its lacy, white fingers snugly around you like an old, comfortable  blanket.  You have either become satisfied and relaxed with this current 'relationship' or, mildly to severely dissatisfied with the physical being you've evolved into.  

Petty.....perhaps.  The word, typical, would fit more appropriately.  Yet we do it anyway,  ego driven creatures that we are!  

This leads me back to my fear and trepidation.....and, how I am meeting three ladies for lunch today.  Beautiful ladies with whom I share a piece of history.  Granted, our time together lies fairly deep in our past, around our high school and college days and just a bit beyond. Nevertheless, our paths have crossed, we share memories....stories together, time in space sometimes misplaced but, never forgotten.

Would this luncheon be taking place without our connection with social media?  There is a possibility that it would not.  Or, maybe, it was simply good timing....fate, if you will, that has brought us back together after all these years apart.  We sowed our wild oats.  We married.  We raised beautiful children who are now raising their own.  We traveled to exotic places and took field trips on the hard-seated school bus in order to be with our sons and daughters as they discovered the world.  We laughed and we cried on our terms and accepted or denied, at times, the paths that were taken and attempted to justify in our minds each choice we made.  

And, that's okay!  It just took time.  It always takes time.  Life.....all those things you attempt to fit into a window of precious, fleeting time.

Karl Jay Shapiro, an American poet, once wrote, "Upon his silver hairs, time, like a Panama hat, sits at a tilt and smiles...."  The passing of time has mocked me all these years and deceived me into believing that my 'laugh lines' are not wrinkles, the silver strands that crown my head can be camouflaged by various shades of manufactured color and sufficient doses of glucosamine supplements will make my joint pain a distant memory.  I know the truth when my reflection stares back at me in the mirror and that wide-brimmed hat sitting arrogantly upon my head shifts ever so slightly under the weight of its smile....

What will my long ago friends think of the mature woman I have become in their absence?  

So, my ego has awakened the sleeping dragon. 

 

Continued......

Note: This week I am in Michigan with my Family enjoying being together and creating more fantastic memories!!  Tonight I am painting a picture with Ali and Corinne as we enjoy a glass of wine or two.  Should be an interesting evening....  Love to all!